Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Out Of Nowhere

We have all had one of those 'blast from the past' moments, but sometimes the radius of those blasts is so huge that it blows away your imagination along with your mind. It will start making sense in a minute.

Very recently I got into contact with a long lost person from school who wasn't even a friend since we never talked that much. Truth be told, before I got the chance to talk to her I was scared of her just like Bruce Wayne used to die every time he came across a bat. Why..? You may ask. Well, let's just say she had a very strong presence around her, like something dark lurking inside her soul waiting for someone to give an excuse to get their head snapped, like she would turn into a green muscular monster who would punch your face to death if you made her angry. 

Although she was always nice to me I still didn't want to get punched for saying something stupid unintentionally. It was not just her aura that gave out such vibes but also her muscular built; Five feet ten, broad boulder like shoulders - boulders, if you may, iron fists, flaming red eyes, fire breathing nostrils. I may have exaggerated with the red eyes, but the rest was exactly as described... Okay, jokes apart, by now you might be imagining her as a big dumb walking loaf of meat with a burger in one hand and soda in the other, but she was nothing like that. 

She was tall, pretty, with big beautiful eyes, and always very decently dressed. Despite her decent appearance, girls or guys who didn't know her personally wouldn't dare messing with her. She did act like a bully sometimes but only with those who deserved it. Somehow she was misjudged. She was a law unto itself. Her tendency was to finish whatever you started. She was tolerant and liked to help humanity. It showed in her speech. She was generally warmhearted and gave freely of her time, energy, and sympathetic understanding to her friends. She had tolerance and acceptance of the frailties of others. She was frank, methodical and believed in law, system and order. She was are very intuitive and had a reservoir of inspired wisdom combined with inherited analytical ability. It's like she was born to be a leader. Man, she was something.

That being said, after I started talking to her gradually I realized all her qualities which were inspirational, but those qualities didn't make her a serious human being. She was actually a very funny person with a level of sense of humor that matched mine. She didn't know that there is an actual country named "Czechoslovakia", the funny thing is that she couldn't pronounce it either. Every time she would see my face she would shout,"Cheeko-slovako" or "Cheeka-pokoloko". Every time it came out different but it was cute and special because it was our personal joke. She would lit up a room with her strong presence being the center of attention. It was always good talking to her, but before I could get to know her better she was gone, just like that. I had no idea where she went or why she left the school. In the back of my head I thought may be she graduated or something. To me she was just another person that I used to know, and we all missed her; her witty comments about everything that passed her gaze, her dirty jokes, her evil laughter.

Either years passed by. Last week I was going through my Instagram timeline. I came across some very weirdly interesting posts. The kind of posts only few people would find funny, for example, memes about Batman riding a dinosaur without any caption because he is Batman. He can do anything, right? That's genius to me. It's okay if you don't get it. Such humor is not for everyone. Anyway, I have been following this unknown person for God knows how long, so because of that post I went though the profile and found other amazing post with an exceptional amount of ''BUTT'' humor. I was thinking, "man, this has to be a guy." This person had a Japanese profile name and also had few girly posts, so naturally I thought this must be an Asian chick who loves Batman, butts and bodybuilding.

Two or three days passed by and this chick started posting some really amazing stuff related to superheroes, motivation, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Captain Planet, comics, butts and almost everything I thought only I loved (other than too many butts, lol). I was inspired and curious. Keep in mind she didn't have any selfies or any other posts that revealed her face, so I had no idea what she looks like. So I did some stalking and found few school fellows in her followers. I was like, "Damn! She must be from Pakistan." So instead of asking other people who she was I asked her directly, because why not, right? 

The first thing that she said was, "I'm the one you taught how to say Czechoslovakia. :D"

I was stunned right there and could not believe how small this world actually is. Well, she already knew who I was because I had my face all over my Instagram, but she didn't know that I didn't know that it's her.

So we started talking, did some catching up. It felt nostalgic at first but then I got to know a whole other person that she has become now. Basically an upgraded version of everything she was almost a decade ago. We talked for hours, literally, without any breaks. You would like to think that people eventually grow out of their dirty humor but no sir, people don't, in fact they get better at it. She has become more evil and creative with her witty humor and dirty jokes. I'm glad though, because there is never a dull moment with her. No matter how many dirty jokes we share with each other it never gets awkward. Just the way I like it. 

On the other hand, I also got to know her softer side. She is caring like all of us should be. She doesn't show it off but it shows in her personality. She would make you believe in true meaning of friendship if you have lost all hope. She is super intelligent, there is not a thing she doesn't know about, I mean I don't even know how. Her respectful behavior towards elders and her idea of respecting a family and going along with the situation so that no one would get emotionally hurt is just inspirational. Honestly, I never expected her to grow into this amazing human being. It's been only five days since we started talking and I could still write so much more about her but I'll leave that for the next post because I want to know her better.

I wish we had more people like her. The world would be a better place with more butt memes than we already have. 

P.S She has recently gone through a scar surgery, so whoever is reading this please pray for her and her brother's quick recovery. Thank you.  :)

Until next time. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Black or White?

When I was in third grade, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson I learned that day.

I was convinced that “I” was right and “he” was wrong – and he was just as convinced that “I” was wrong and “he” was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson.

She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. “White,” he answered.

I couldn’t believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, “White.”

It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side it was black.

Sometimes we need to look at the problem from the other person’s view in order to truly understand his/her perspective.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

When You Regret a Good Deed

Good deeds can be a fickle bitch. Even if you have demon parents who taught you nothing but destruction and gloom, you're still bombarded from birth with messages of "Help your fellow man" from virtually every song, movie, TV show, and video game in existence. But if you've been alive long enough to read and understand these words, you've most likely hit a stretch where it seems like no matter how much good you try to do, no one appreciates it. Hell, many of you probably work jobs where good deeds and extra effort aren't even acknowledged.
The hard part about good deeds, even if they're something simple like carrying groceries or delousing the neighbor's yak, is dealing with the dark void of no recognition. Or at the very least, understanding why people didn't accept your gesture while belting out Journey's "Open Arms." It's hard to keep in mind that:

Some People Just Don't Know How to React

When I'm in public, I'm painfully polite. I let people pass by first in a crowded aisle. I allow the person holding four items to check out before I pull up with my massive cart full of Red Bull and dildos. And I always hold doors open for people. The door thing is a problem for me.
Nothing will 180 my mood faster than offering a kind gesture and not even receiving a "Fuck you and everybody who lives in your house" in return. If I hold a door for someone and the person walks by without even acknowledging me, I cannot stop myself from shooting a smartass comment at him or her in my head as I walk away. It's usually something simple, like "The correct response is 'thank you,' fuckass." But I always want to follow it up with a suplex and maybe an elbow to the neck.
What's hard to remember is that most of us have grown up in a society that teaches caution toward and exclusion of strangers, nd with the sheer amount of violence and crime that spackles the news, I don't really blame them. I'll teach my kids to avoid strangers like Nickelback avoids depth.

To me, the person walking past in silence is an uppity, entitled piece of shit, thinking, "Yeah, you better hold the door for me, peasant." But to them, it's most likely "Don't make eye contact. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit ..." Either way, I walk away pissed off, and one day I'm going to say the wrong combination of "fuck" and "yourself," and the recipient is going to charge me like a rabid moose.

You Open Yourself Up to Be Their Personal Service Person

Every single "friend who is good with computers" knows exactly what I'm talking about here. A friend or family member's computer goes to shit because they haven't quite learned that not all boobs are free -- some are secretly malware cannons. Or they did virtually anything at all, because the Internet is a clusterfuck that requires 50 layers of protection in order to navigate. So they give you a call, and being the nice angelic person that you are, you merrily skip right over and spend the rest of the night unfucking their porn box.
Maybe they provide you with a free dinner and it feels pretty good to help someone out. Until they call you again the next week to come over and fix it again.

"Oh, this shouldn't take long. Can you bring me a hammer and a blowtorch?"

And then twice a month for the rest of your life. Even if you're not physically there, it doesn't stop them from calling and asking you how to do it themselves, which you know for a fact means that you're about to be on the most frustrating phone call of all time, most likely for a couple of hours, as they clumsily slap around their keyboard. You're pretty sure that at one point you're going to have to remind them that they can't eat the mouse.

It's not just "computer people" who get shafted with this. Any service-based profession is a potential target. I'm sure there are tons of mechanics reading this article thinking, "Yeah, sure, I can diagnose your car problem over the phone without ever looking at it, based on noises you're making with your mouth. And sure, I can make you understand what's wrong. Get comfortable while I teach you the entire inner workings of the combustion engine."

It seems like the worst possible response to a favor -- to assume that it implies infinite future favors -- but it's less about them being greedy time leeches and more about assuming you now "own" this problem. When any problem comes up in the future, they (not unreasonably) just assume it's related to the previous one, so they think it's just following up on the last thing and that it'll thus be easy to fix. If their geeky nephew knows how to fix "their Internet," why start over from scratch with somebody else and have to re-explain everything? So the call goes something like, "Hey, my Internet is doing that thing again, can you do what you did last time?" "Sure, remind me what 'thing' it's doing?" "You know. That thing where it stops working properly. Remember? And you fixed it by spending 14 hours re-installing every single piece of software I own?"

It doesn't take long to start regretting the initial offer to help once that cycle starts.

Many of Us Don't Know How to Give a Compliment

I don't know if this is a new trend or not, but I can't remember it happening much before the Internet. At least not at its current frequency. Then again, when I was growing up, I didn't have access to tens of thousands of people on places like Twitter. But what I've noticed in recent years is that people have a really hard time giving just a simple, honest compliment. It seems like it always has to come with some sort of barb or backhand. I don't know what causes it, but I see it constantly. And I'm not the only one.
For every single writer people talk to for every site, "You're the best writer on this site. You're the only reason I even still visit this shithole." Or "I love your work. You're so much better than that piece of shit Chad Writerperson."

Aside from the occasional troll, these people don't mean any harm by it. In fact, they mean the opposite. They read something they liked, and they went out of their way to tell the writer. I find that admirable, because most of the feedback people hear in the creative industry is negative. I just don't think they ever learned how to phrase those compliments in a way that's sincere and to the point. I guess it's a skill like anything else. It's just weird that our natural instinct is to balance out the positive with a little negative.
Of course, on the other side of that coin ...

I mean, if the police are complimenting me on how easy I am to detain and how beautiful my penis captures the sunlight and shades my lower body, what do I say to that? "I know"?
I wish there were a class for stuff like this, because those communication breakdowns cause way more problems than they're worth and I think that's one reason people shy away from good deeds. I guess that's why people say to just do them and not expect anything in return. The important part is that you did something admirable for a fellow human, right? At least I wish it were that simple.

Saturday, July 13, 2013


Sometimes there comes a time when you feel incomplete, even though you have everything but still it feels like a very important part of your life is missing. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels good. The sky is blue no more, the sun is bright no more, heart goes numb after you realize that nothing can fade the pain away.

Why does this happen you ask? Well, the answer is simple. We do this to ourselves. We fall in love, we try so hard to make ourselves worthy of  that person's love and respect, but what do we do in the end? We mess up everything again and again until it can't be fixed anymore, and they stop seeing a future with us.

It's sad how so much time and effort is wasted just because of the little mistakes we make in relationships, and most importantly we manage to hurt our loved ones even though it's the last thing we want to do.

Don't you just wish you could tell them how much they mean to you, and how badly you want them to be yours forever? So many words remains unsaid, so many promises never made, so many REGRETS.

So, guys, if you have that someone in your lives who makes you feel alive, who teases you all the time, who keeps you close when you're down, who misses you every second of the day, who loves you for who you are, who has made you a better person, who completes you.. Hang on to them, cherish them, love them with your heart and your soul. Do what ever it takes to keep them happy. Be there for them. Give them a big hug everyday, tell them that they mean everything to you, tell them they are the reason for the happiness in your life. Trust me it's never enough, but it's true and it's surely better than regrets.

The realization of the mistakes and carelessness in the past haunts us for a very long time, even though it makes us strong in a way but still it's not worth the pain.

So, as I was saying, sometimes there comes a time when you feel incomplete... That's what I am without YOU. 

Monday, December 6, 2010

At War With Yourself.

Generally we blame motivation or a lack of willpower for failing to keep our Resolutions. But this is too simplistic a view. If you want to create an endless source of motivation you have to understand what motivation is and how it works. Everything in life has many, many layers and levels to it. And motivation is no different.

No one has ever lacked motivation. Probably the most common area where people talk about motivation is losing weight and exercising. Now why is someone overweight? Because they have too much motivation for the foods that make them put on weight. Why don’t people exercise? Because they are more motivated to do anything rather than exercise. The problem is not motivation. We are always motivated, but for the things that we feel will bring the greatest rewards or the least pain.

Our motivation depends to a great extent on your personality. Introverts are more interested in avoiding pain, whereas Extroverts are more concerned with possible rewards. Some people have a longer-term view of life, others care more about now. So an Introvert with a longer-term perspective is far more likely to choose the fat-free option because he or she wants to avoid the pain of being overweight. Whereas a more impulsive Extrovert will probably go for the chocolate cake because the reward now is far more exciting than the possible pain in the future.

Everything we do is based on an economic mindset. By economic I don’t mean financial, but we do attribute everything with a value, and we continually look to maximize our pleasure and reduce our pain. So if your Resolutions aren't working out, look for what you are valuing more. The pay-off may not be obvious or even now, but on some layer or level there must be a pay-off.

This brings us to another aspect of motivation. Different Resolutions work on different levels and as a result access different sources of motivation. The source of motivation you are using will determine how long you stay motivated for.

What does this mean?

Well, there are four levels of Resolution that I can think of. And each one has a slightly longer life span than the last. I think of them like this:

1. The Resolution you make because it’s expected of you.

This type of Resolution has no real emotional pay-off to you. It’s just something you are doing because doing something else may cause you the pain of disapproval or the risk of standing out and appearing abnormal. Doing what’s expected is easy. It saves anyone nagging you and the effort of thinking for yourself, but once you are out of that situation its hard to maintain, because it loses it’s reward and you have to suffer the pain of carrying it out.

2. The Resolution you make because you feel bad at the moment.

This type of Resolution is made as a knee jerk reaction in the moment to get rid of a pain. So it has an emotional pay-off, but as soon as the pain has gone there is no reason to continue.
For example, if you really analyse why people exercise, you’ll find that they tend to do it because they’re fed up being overweight or unfit or whatever. But this isn't a sudden decision. Most have been considering exercising for months or even years. What really gets them to start is a more intense emotional pain. Either a Doctor scares them into exercising or more often it’s a time when they feel insecure. Perhaps they have just got divorced… or their relationship is hitting a rocky patch and they are thinking of either competing for their Partner or being back on the dating market. Whatever the specifics they feel so bad when they worry that they have to do something to ease the pain. Yes, they say they're determined to stay on the program this time. I know its not a quick fix but they mean it when they say it. Two or three months later though, the situation that was causing the pain has resolved itself one way or another. So the incentive for exercising has gone. Yet still the grind of going through the boring routine is still there. Sooner or later the pain of exercising outweighs the pain relief it used to bring, and then the Resolution ends.

3. The Resolution you make because you want something.

Sometimes this level comes from wanting something to get rid of a pain. And sometimes it just a natural ambition to grow. It lasts until you outgrow the desire or something better comes along.
Often people will go through the other levels of Resolution. And with each stage of evolution they find that life in general starts to feel better after overcoming a problem. Then somewhere something just clicks and they realize that they feel better because each problem caused them to grow, in order to resolve it. The idea pops into their head that if they were to just grow for the sake of it… life might get more and more enjoyable, because this resolution is based on a far more permanent feeling it lasts for far longer than the previous motivations, which were just passing wants. However what you want and do to feel good will change as you grow. One time you may want X, but three months or three years (depending on how quickly you are evolving) later you change your mind about what will make you feel good. Then your Resolution will change possibly before your motivation goes.

4. The Resolution you make because it’s you.

There are some things that you just feel so strongly about that you absolutely must do them or you would never do them. This is because they just aren't you. So the motivation for this type of resolution will last for as long as your identity remains constant. Overcoming these problems or achieving these desires causes us to grow and evolve. Once we grow there is no going back. Try not being able to ride a bike or do up your shoelaces. So problems and desires are the carrot and the stick forcing us to evolve. 

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." - Thomas Jefferson

Eventually we can reach a stage where we realize that… all along it was us that created the problems. And if we just accept ourselves as we are… we can enjoy all of life and life will enjoy us.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Sometimes I Wish I Could Laugh In The Restroom

Today I happened to enter the restroom, in a wedding hall and some guy was in there whistling while he was doing his business. A guy who followed me in must have decided that whistling in the bathroom seemed fun so he started whistling. Of course, he couldn't whistle the same thing as the first guy, even if he knew the tune, because that would be gay.

So anyhow, I guess the first guy doesn't like the competition so he starts whistling a little bit louder. Now I've got two guys whistling different tunes in the bathroom with me, one of them a little too loud, and then they finish at about the same time and leave (the whistler that came in with me did not wash his hands), that was funny I swear.

I'm washing my own hands and as the door closes on the other two guys I hear a quiet whistling starting again.
I found it funny. But you just can't laugh in the restroom, that would seem weird.

Unsaid Words

When one knows that a friend is distressed, and one doesn’t quite know how to console, provide some kind of solace; tell the friend, that everything will be fine, that this too shall pass, but one just cannot find the right words, then what does one do?

There are different kinds of friendships; in some one can say just about anything, finding words and expressions is not a hurdle at all, but then there are those other friendships where though the feelings may run deep, the persons involved do not indulge in actually expressing them. The mode of communication is mostly mutual raillery, pulling legs in harmless jest, where resorting to words to express sentiment is embarrassing. Though the concern and care essentially remains the same. Where so many things have been left unsaid, the harsher facts of life were left undisturbed, where one pretend like pain and sorrow were mere trifles. Well, not pretence exactly but yes one try not touch topics which could hurt or haunt.

Then how does one use words of solace? If I know that my friend is the resilient type, that he/she would emerge stronger from his/her tribulations, and still I want to let him/her know that I'm here, that I know and I understand, but I find no words and I resort to silence and hope that my friend has heard my unsaid words, prayers and understands.

How Thought Bubbles Play Tricks On Your Mind

Human mind is a complicated, yet a very sensitive creation. Regardless of the fact that my blog is entitled as 'Life is Beautiful', I'm about to write something that would me you believe as if I'm fed up of my life. It's just an illusion, even for me. My life is perfect. Still my mind tells to that there's something wrong with this morning. Right now I'm trying not to ponder, not to wait for the words to emerge. I'm trying to let my fingers do the composing. It's a feeling that I'm about to describe in words.

Another morning and yet there is a difference. There used to be a time when one used to wait in eager anticipation for the next year. Now, again something is different. There is a sense of misgiving, a vague unrest, fear about passing years. Its not about age, wrinkles or grey hair only. It is about slowly reaching the edge of something which has no beyond. It is about coping with life's uncertainties which are certain to follow. Its a feeling of the ground below slowly slipping away from under your feet. It is about being pushed further on towards a horizon I know not. It is about unfamiliar sights and sounds and sensations, ahead is not as well as behind me. It is about forgetting to linger in the present and letting the shadow of the future mar the light of now. In spite of trying to grab new experiences, seeking things to look forward to, still there is a feeling of time running out,there is acceptance and yet there is a question mark. There is a feeling of 'what's the point anyway'? These thoughts are not deliberate, they're uninvited guests whom I do not want to welcome into the threshold of my mind and yet they remain waiting at the door. Even if I slam the door shut, I know they're there on the other side. I can hear them, waiting.

I'm not sad, I'm not gloomy, I try to laugh aloud, but I can hear the hollowness in my laughter. Every moment, every experience, every thought, exist while reminding me of transience.

Too Much Information?

The danger of this medium is that I become so comfortable sharing my thoughts, opinions, insights and foibles that I cross the line into recklessness. How much is too much information? I continue to be surprised at what other bloggers share on their sites. I don’t think I will ever totally lower my filter, and I wonder if my writing is any less powerful because of this decision? On the other hand, isn’t it awfully self-important of me to think that anyone even cares what I write about? :P


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Chocolates And Childhood

When I was a kid, we never bought chocolates in our family very often. I am sure none of us did, waiting for the opportune moment as kids when some certain nice guests would show up, and in the process of gulping in tea, would take out few bars of chocolates from his pocket. It is funny how you noticed the elevated rectangular thing in his pocket all this while, yet you were not allowed to seem too eager or keen. You were supposed to look coyly at your parents, seeking silent permission, when they would accede, provided the chocolate wasn’t too expensive. Then, you would be expected to thank the guests, accept the chocolate, yet still not open it or eat it in front of the guests. Like a nice kid, you would put it in the fridge, and forget about it. The guests wasn’t supposed to know that the moment the door closed behind him (after thanking him again for his kindness and chocolate for the 113th time now), I would spring in action, somersault and jump, cross 7 mountains and 13 rivers, and sprint to reach the fridge and grab that bar of chocolate. Had that guest been forgetful, he would have witnessed a very nasty scene of chocolate all over my hands and face on his way back to collecting his forgotten umbrella or car keys. Something quite contrary to the image that had been portrayed for the last couple of hours.

Our family used to be unique in another way. Chocolates were never divided amongst the two siblings. It was always divided equally into 4 shares. 3 out of the 4 shares went to my brother, my dad, and me respectively, while mom would have a bite of her share. Then, she would again distribute her share amongst us. Our family didn’t believe that chocolate was meant for kids. It was meant for everyone in the family. That included my grandmother as well.

it’s clear from advertising from the latter part of the nineteenth century that whether the companies like to admit it or not, children were a major target audience for chocolate. The industrialisation of chocolate production meant that it could be made cheaply available to the masses, and this, coupled with innovatory methods, meant that the chocolate manufacturers were able to make very child-friendly products.

Anyway, the third thing was 'the taste of chocolates' never lingered in our mouths. No sooner did we finish our share (and mom’s share, and anything remaining, depending on who was stronger), we were expected to go brush our teeth. All my milk teeth removed have been attributable to my dental cavities. Last I heard, my childhood dentist who had made a small fortune out of the fee my dad paid him, and his son is attending a college in London. Yet as an incentive for the painful process of tooth pulling, I always bargained, argued, bickered, and have fought for more chocolates. Of course as dedicated chocolateers we would like to think that all chocolate is good for us (‘a little bit of what you fancy’ and all that). 

The taste of chocolates in my childhood, if I remember correctly, used to be much sweeter. This was perhaps because both quantity of consumption and the frequency of buying were powered in the hands of my parents. Even though I knew I had 8 small bars of chocolates in my share, I couldn't finish it off in one go. I was expected to save it for days till most of it either went to the ants or into the neighbour’s child’s stomach. Self-sacrifice and controlling greed were virtues that always stood with monstrosity against my chocolate munching. Things got worse especially after my little brother sprouted teeth and learnt to talk and complain and cry because after finishing my share, I would always eat his share. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t very fond of chocolates, the chocolates still had to be there every time I opened the fridge just to tempt me and torture me and teach me qualities such as self-restraint. 

The chocolates of those days were very different from the chocolates of today. Not only were there less choices and less brands, there was a clear distinction between what chocolates must be had on what occasion. And while I write this, I can’t help but salivate profusely, thinking of the different memories of my childhood these chocolates bring back. The link between chocolates and me was so strong that at times it seemed as a right rather than a luxury. It has so many things wrapped up in it: Deliciousness in the moment, childhood memories, and that grin-inducing feeling of getting a reward for being good. Life without chocolate is like a beach without water. 

I'd like to dedicate this post to my closest friend Mashaal Irfan, who is a chocolate lover herself. For her 'if it ain't chocolate, it ain't breakfast' and she thinks that there's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with a Chocolate. :D